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Today’s Miracle Moment Is About Taking Responsibility for Your Life…
In Your Year of Miracles program, we have Five Foundations for Living in the Miracle Zone. Today, we’re going to talk about the fifth of these foundations, which is Take Responsibility for Your Life.
Taking responsibility is the way to embrace your true power in life. This means showing up as a victor rather than a victim of your circumstances. We’ll explain more about that in a minute.
Now we recognize that the word “responsibility” can feel heavy. Many people think that taking responsibility means judging or blaming yourself: “things are all my fault” or “shame on me.” That does feel heavy.
But that’s not what we’re referring to. Instead, we suggest you think of responsibility in this way: “If my life is my responsibility, it means I have some say in it. I’m going to have a great role in the outcomes I get in life.”
When you allow yourself to make choices from the place of what’s possible for your life rather than from the place of limitation, then you feel the power and freedom of taking responsibility for your life.
You can start to take more responsibility for your life by noticing how often you give away your power by showing up as a victim in life.
Here are three ways to know that you’re showing up like a victim:
Blaming: Anytime you’re blaming somebody else or outside forces for what’s going wrong with your life—whether you’re blaming the weather, or blaming someone else or blaming society — you’re giving away your power.
Shaming: This is blame turned towards yourself. Telling yourself things like, “I’m never good at this. I can’t do this. I’m always messing up. I don’t deserve this” is evidence that you’re stuck in the rut giving away your power through shaming yourself.
Complaining: When you spend energy complaining about the circumstances in your life you don’t like–focusing on what’s wrong–you’ll inevitably end up getting more of that, because what you put your attention on grows stronger in your life.
We’re sure you’ve noticed what a bummer it is to be around people who are blaming, shaming, and complaining, yes? Well, it’s also a bummer to be around yourself when you’re blaming, shaming, and complaining.
Any time you’re blaming, shaming, or complaining, you’re showing up like a victim in life and you’re not in the Miracle Zone.
So, here’s what we invite you to do this week: play the “Blame, Shame and Complain Game”.
It’s quite simple. Every time you find yourself blaming, shaming, or complaining, you put a dollar into a bowl. You’ll be surprised how often you catch yourself on those first few days. But by the fourth or fifth day, you’ll be doing much less blaming, shaming and complaining. We’re sure of it.
You can play this game with your family (it’s great with kids) or your friends or your co-workers. (At the end of the week, you can donate the money you’ve collected to a favorite charity.) This is a fun way to shift the habit of showing up like a victim.
Click here to learn more about the first Foundation – Trusting the Universe
Click here to learn more about the second Foundation – Living from the Soul
Click here to learn more about the third Foundation – Leading with an Open Heart
Click here to learn more about the fourth Foundation – Choosing Where You Put Your Energy and Attention
What if you find yourself taking the blame shame and complaining of what is others responsibilities? In other words – how do I decipher what is my responsibility without feeling as if I am taking on everyone else’s responsibility as my own too?
Hi Emily,
I would start by telling my self that I absolutely have good reasons for this tendency, this behavior that is happening in your inner self. You might have good reasons to feel that your responsibility is to take other’s on your own shoulder. And it is also, OK. to feel that I’m blaming my self for doing so, and complaining about it. Really re-comfort your inner self… That is it ok to feel like that… I offer full process transformation as a living, it would liberate you and bring a completely new perspective…
Dear Manon Locas, your response was very comforting. and offered opportunity for reaffirming self love. I would like to find out about the process transformation you mentioned. Thank you, Maria
Emily, you can only take responsibility for the things/areas you have also the power to make all decisions for.
Today I realize how little agency I have given myself to create this human experience. I have waited, gone with the flow, lived outside the box in many ways……without much consciousness. spiritual by–pass has been a way of life.
I don’t know how I would decorate an empty square box with what just I want to include or where I would want it to be. And I’m 78!
I just read Emilie ‘s post and I suddenly realized, I started on this journey when I was in my eaRly thirties. My ex-husband was an alcoholic; I never knew what that involved, but I quickly found out how painful it is/was. I never realized the blessed gift of awareness God had given me. I thought everyone knew what I knew. Sadly, hardly anybody knows about this gift now. Trying to find a partner with this quality is difficult. Pray for me.
Hi Hellaine, as you continue to raise your vibrational frequency by taking responsibility for your life, others will be attracted with that higher frequency as well. Remember, it’s the law of attraction, what we focus on grows.
Much love and blessings to you!
Hi Emily, the people who blame shame and complain about you is their own problem. And has nothing to do with you. It’s them being a victim. You however, when you allow them and agree to what they say is an example of you victimizing yourself. You are violating your own boundaries -By allowing things that are not true to go into your inner world. Hope this helps.
Thank you Veronica taking back your power is indeed the key!
Much Love
Hi Emily,
We would suggest using the Channel Breathing technique to center yourself first and honoring your soul’s wisdom.
We are looking forward to hearing how it goes!
Much Love!
You can ask yourself, is this arising out of any my direct or indirect action. If the answer is no, then feel free to move ahead. If the answer is yes, pause, think and take corrective action of possible. Or take it as a learning and move on
Well said Hetall,
Much Love!
From my years of counselling, reading, even luckily being able to see Marci who indeed brings the reality home, this pass week three me after 34 years,. Between a diagnosis of a rare blood cancer, insurance company denying to fill three prescriptions all at once, additional new doctors and multiple testing I just completely lost it. I think I’m more upset with myself because I feel I should handle it better. In the past I would take personal matters and think of them as business matters. Add 5 weeks Of pneumonia to this mess I’m feeling very vulnerable but luckily inside myself I have a really strong survival streak and I hit back pretty hard. I only do so with what is a sure thing. I guess I’m babbling but there are no coincidences. Thank you.
I want to have more explanations on all these (Blaming, shaming and complaining, please.
We can only control ourselves, never others. We have so much power but blaming others and being a victim gives other people the power. Take responsibility and you take your power back. You create your reality. You cannot be effected by others unless you allow it. Thanks for the great reminders!
Hi Linda, I was touched by your courageous story and remarkable inner strength. Wishing you more strength as you heal and go forward in your life, in the miracle zone and on your unique path! Sheila Lewis
So sorry to hear about all of these circumstances happening at once, Linda Sue. And at the same time…we see you and know you’ve got this. Now is the time to be gentle and have compassion for yourself. Our fifth Foundation is “Trust in the Universe”. We’re cheering for you! xo
Linda Sue, I relate to your circumstances so well. Mine are not as “serious” (and not to compare), I have had these same circumstances with Doctors and one diagnosis after another. My point is, I’ve blamed myself as well. Other uncontrollable circumstances too. “We” (many women) I’ve learned tend to self-blame, or “should” all over ourselves (I should handle it better). Know you are not alone on this “healing journey” it is a course in inner and outer healing. I’m so blessed to have you on this journey with me. And all other Yom family. Learning to be gentle with my “selves”-“our-selves” is such a healing experience in and of itself. We are in
this together. Our awareness of (what you just shared) is the first step toward healing! My thoughts, and prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing, it reminds me to be gentle with myself today!
Linda I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. Praying for you to heal and be strong, or to accept that you can’t be strong at this moment and that’s ok.
I don’t see myself as the blame shame complain person. But I see others with a blame, shame complain towards me. I have to listen and try to do better. I do feel the shame, but I try not to blame or complain. Your class will help figure out if I blame, shame or complain
once you calm down perhaps ask yourself who/what is trying to tell you something that you’re not getting/hearing. Illness is only a message and once heard can be disolved.
Thank you for sharing this piece of insight JoAnn, this made me stop and think!
Hi Linda Sue,
We are sending so much love your way! Remember you are taking your power back!
Lots of Love to you!
BLess you? LINDA Sue; I will prY for you. May God bless you with Divine health
AMEN
Thank you Linda Sue Elston-Dykes, we are so grateful to have you in our community!
You’ve got this, be patient and kind with yourself.
Linda Sue- I had similar experience with so called medical
Professionals. I resorted to speaking to the Practice Manager. She finally got me to a nurse that got me what I needed. My primary care doc says I’m suffering from medical trauma and nobody wants to talk about that! Time to turn Bad-Ass…..no more Ms. Nice Guy
Ouch! Please make sure you totally give your self a lot of love and compassion. Sometimes the lessons are really tough for us to get the really good tools for this life to give its purpose. I’m so sorry to hear all of this and I feel the struggle. Where are you in the process…? Have you heard of Ozone therapy? or other alternative medecine remedies?
We love the support our community shares with each other!
Much Love
I’m 68 yrs young! Started to live MY life in truth the day I walked away from my marriage. It took 25 years and a lifetime of victim-hood to eventually come to the crossroad of personal choice – either self-empowerment or a soul destroying lifestyle. My marriage was only a symptom of a lifetime of believing I was not enough. Oh so slowly, like digging oneself out of a deep dark hole I realized only I could rebirth myself. Only I could transform the person I was to the person I so wanted to be. Four years on, with a continuation of numerous challenges I now truly honor myself each day. Gratitude is my mantra! A smile is my badge!
We’re smiling from ear to ear with you, Jo! You ARE young and life is beautiful. Blessings.
Hello,I am trying not to blame and complain, sometimes success, sometimes not.How to communicate with people who behave like victim,to avoid ,to explain or not pay attention ?
Dear Audrone…all you can do is take responsibility for your own life, not for others. So you do your work and allow them to be where they are in their journey. And decide on what you choose for yourself. Let us know how it’s going.
Hi Audrone,
Each time you notice yourself blaming, shaming or complaining you are taking your power back!
Much Love
you are not precise. blame – guilt, jail
shame – selfcritisicm
complain – telling another person about your problems
…
you are maybe talking about some kind of these expressions, but not all of them are wrong or that you will destroy them as possibilities for human
Manon, your replies offer an opportunity to reaffirm self love. I am interested in learning more about the process transformation you mentioned. Thank you, and if I do not find a reply here, I will look for you on facebook. Maria
Right On Maria!
Dear Manon, I found your series of meditations and will be listening to the meditation on self love first thing tomorrow morning. Thank you, Maria
At times i find myself coplaining about the wrong people have done to me.Your topic had inspired me to play the game and live in the miracle zone.
Hi Maria,
That is a great place to begin!
Much Love
I was so glad to see this lesson around blame, shame game up…as I realized from last year, I have made progress. I got really angry at a relative who took credit very publicly for something I did. I was able to watch it (after the initial upset) for what it was, an old feeling of being taken advantage of or discredited. I contemplated and took appropriate action without blaming or engaging her. The next day, I got invited to read a story I had written in an open mic event. Coincidentally, this relative was a character in the story. Somehow, unexpectedly, the blame had morphed into a moment of fame. Thanks, Marci and Dr. Sue for keeping the Foundations fresh and alive.
What a beautiful way that all unfolded! Miraculous! Thank you for sharing.
We love this Shelia!!! You are so welcome!
Thank you for sharing your experience with our community!
Much Love
Thank you for this miracIe moment. I love the blame-shame-and-complain-game (I got it from one of the great videos). I play it with a lot of humour. WIth the money in the bowl I am going to fulfill me a wish. So the circle is full of love.
Lovely, Tarala. Gotta say that we’ve put more than a few dollars in the bowl in our time.
Awesome Tarla!!
You two are such an inspiring team. I delete a lot of emails without reading them, but I always read yours!! They’re keepers!
That is high praise indeed! Thanks so much, Barbara. We’re blushing.
Hi Marcy and DR Sue: My name is Nicolas Sebastian Massu and I love what you presented. At the bank in Western Australia on the 6 of May 2020 I put in the bank $1450 dollars in $2 dollar coins that I was collecting because I needed to buy an expensive computer. If those dollars were due because of your exercise of Blame, Shame and Complaining it would be half the amount of the $1450 dollars if counting each of the $2 dollar coins separate which I would have Blame, Shame and complained 725 times. I am also writing a diary since November of 2010 everyday called “The Miracle of Today.” Which is an exercise from a Book from DR Phil McGraw called “Real Life” The exercise was meant to last 1 Month in where I write the miracle of each day and then read them back. So I just continued on. Because I was diagnosed with ADHD in Chile and in Australia I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, instead of blaming others for what’s wrong with me I just simply focus on the blessing that I have and I keep having like those miracles I write each day. So I juts like to say Thank you to Both of you Marcy and DR Sue for creating those miracle moments. Feel free to reply if you wish and coment on the exercise of The Miracle of Today. Thank You.
We love that Nicolas what a great way to take your power into the miracle zone!
Much Love
YES WE LOVE THAT NICOLAS WHAT A GREAT WAY TO TAKE YOUR POWER INTO THE MIRACLE ZONE.
YES WE LOVE THAT NICOLAS WHAT A GREAT WAY TO TAKE YOUR POWER INTO THE MIRACLE ZONE..
Ah hah! Probably…if I began putting a dollar in a bowl for each blame, shame, complain moment since 1/1/21…I’d have “saved” a good portion of the money paid out in remodeling my house using the first contractor and plumber to reply to my call. It’s been quite a ride!
An expensive one.
Perhaps I’ve invested in a tolerant, accepting self.
I am working to transform that feeling of victim into victor…and this will show up as something miraculously ordained.
I, like Jo C., left a decades-long marriage and allow myself to take charge of my life in a “trust in the Universe” way…challenging at times, but miraculously I make it through to the next step.
Right On Patti Jo! transforming victim into victor !!
We love it!
Hi all. I felt excited to realize I don’t resonate much anymore to blame or shame, and complain is mostly on its way out. This message resonated for me with a few signs: for the first time in over six months, I got together with my two sisters and brothers and spouses in one place, as covid kept us apart. I was vigilant about the flow of conversation, and although I’ve often felt like the “odd sheep,” or that they are all more successful (rich) than I am, I got to really see who we are from a different and more loving perspective of acceptance. This released a ton of energy, and the week is unfolding with exciting speed on many fronts. No time for shame or blame! It’s also Foundation2 – my priorities are not to dwell on the past, but to envision and create from now and going forward.
One thing that happened Monday was I had an idea that was immediately accepted into action at work – a date was set – for a performance by writers that I pitched. So it will be a lot of work, but of the kind that bring creativity and joy. Feels like one of many “buds” of success flowering in the energy of this month.
Thank you, Marci, Dr. Sue, & miracle sisters, for your ongoing presence and support.
Thank you Shelia for sharing your journey! You are so in the flow with the energy of creating the “Buds of success” because you have raised your vibrational frequency by releasing guilt, shame and blame.
Much Love!
God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.we all stay blessed.
Right on Abu!!
One thing that I learned this week by attending a weekly event that was being put together by an application/team of people online was to be happy with myself and always remember to be proud of who I am without worrying about other people accepting me or the things that I do as long as I’m doing the best I can do, respecting others and myself and loving myself for who I am.
I have always been grateful towards other people, tried to assist them and then worried about what other people would think about me but now I know that I have to take care of myself first and then assist others after my needs are met without feeling guilt or shame. There have been many times where I have felt the shame because I have to depend upon other people due to my inability to complete a task because I may not have the physical capability even though I’m trying to overcome my limitations as best as I can. I’ve been seeking various treatments for years now and following up on them diligently with great motivation because I have a strong desire to overcome my limitations and want to create more happiness for myself and those people in my life.
So true Jeanne remember what we focus our attention on grows! Treating yourself with love honor and respect naturally attracts others with a similar vibrational frequency! One shift at a time and remember to utilize the deep channel breathing when you feel overwhelm creeping in.
Much Love!
These are powerful statements about responsibility. Here’s how I choose to view this notion. Responsibility. I am 100% responsible. No shame, blame, fault, or credit. I am responsible. Here’s where this gets interesting. That is, I have the ability to respond. We all can choose to be the author of our own experiences in life. When I worked with kids for 12 years, they found that they had the ability to shift their own life. Not mom/dad/school/drugs/siblings/or life in general. To embody this principle, they had to be present versus going through their life asleep. “To err is human; to be responsible is divine.”
Beautifully said Joyce, we love to hear you are supporting others to be the author of their lives!
Thank you for helping kids learn this very important life skill.
Much Love!
Yes this is a big one. It’s a complete flip for me from the time I was born…makes sense why I have had so many disappointments in my life as I am really an action taker. I am also an Evangelist and a Pastor…but this is a deep dive…really deep…breaking chains of bondage of gender, religion, ethnicity….Jesus said to the Leper, “Pick up your mat and follow me.” We have to be in charge of our own lives and yes, we do have to pick up our own mat, meaning our own life circumstances and follow him sans blaming, shaming and complaining. I am Pastor Christine Mukherjee, still continuing to walk even when systems fail and go against…
Right on Christine! Once we take responsibility for ourselves we can create the lives we desire.
We love hearing from our community!
Thank you soooo much, this is exactly what I had to hear now!
You’re welcome Inbal! The Universe always has divine timing!
Much Love!
Ok ladies…I’m going to get my $1.00 bills, grab a jar and check it out! Thank you for the reminder, as always. I am learning so much from you both and absolutely LOVING this course. I am so happy to be with others that inspire me, ask me to stretch and support that stretch through the process! I am so thankful to live in this Miracle Zone with such amazing teachers, coaches and fellow women form around the world…blessings!
We are so happy to have you in our community!
Great stuff!!!!
Becoming conscious of your automatic thoughts is so important, and the game is definitely a good way to make yourself realize when you may be blaming, shaming, or complaining without even realizing it.
So true Em!! It becomes an automated response. By staying present we create a shift that is sustainable.
Really good teaching..butva tad hard when forbidden to see beloved grandchildren by daughter in law..am standing back and breathing..but hey this is a bit of a complaint!
This is great I feel like I’m something special .Nice personal appearances and attitude .But after ending a relationship I’m alway wondering what I could have done different, lot of doubts and feeling of insecurity.Im ready to take back my power.My choice, my responsibility. Thanks for making everything so clear.I loved the whole 5 foundation I did all the exercises and took notes that came with the videos
Hi Judith, nice catch! Place your dollar in the jar and watch as your vibrational frequency shifts, hopefully your daughter in law will as well.
Much Love!
What do you suggest for someone living with chronic pain. I know people don’t like to hear about it but sometimes it just feels better to complain a bit.
I would like to share my “take” on self responsibility that took a huge shift this year. My prayer is that it may be helpful to you, Linda Sue (as well as others), in your perception of the health challenges you are facing. I have had several chronic, life-altering health concerns over the past 7 years. I prefer the wholistic, natural, alternative approach rather than conventional medicine. Through exhaustive research I have found excellent resources which cost me many out-of-pocket dollars since insurance coverage for non-conventional medicine is basically non-existent. I have had mixed results in re: to success in healing. What I came to realize was that I had been throwing all manner of fabulous treatments at my body, hoping that things would stick. This included lifestyle changes I had to make in re: to diet, stress reduction, etc. What I hadn’t done, however, was to go inside and ask my body what it needed/wanted! Dah! Now that may be a simple thing for some people to do but for me, who has lived in my head forever, it has presented a whole new perspective – and self responsibility – in how I perceive my body and the symptoms of illness/health conditions. I’m definitely “a work in progress” but huge shifts are rumbling inside! I now see illnesses/health conditions as messengers of very important information and direction about which I need to be aware/mindful. I haven’t been listening. I haven’t been questioning. I’ve been fearful, avoidant, defensive. I’m now learning how to go inside, to be patient, to be open-hearted, to be compassionate for all that is in there and needs to be seen, to be heard, to be valued, to be cared for. This has opened up whole new worlds for curious exploration – and I have small, subtle signs of healing underway! The whole thing is a paradox – it’s scary and it’s awesome! I have found myself stating that I feel content and peaceful – I don’t know when I’ve felt that before. So, this is my story, my Miracle Zone. May it speak to you if this is what you need – and are ready – to hear. Healing blessings for you.
Thank you for sharing this powerful realization and process you describe. I am also learning to ask my body and listen. It is has so much intelligence. I believe we are capable of being our own healers. I also ask myself–“What am I believing about this?” Our beliefs are so powerful and can keep us stuck in perceiving our lives. I am excited to live in this new way of questioning, listening, responding and reinventing the story of what is.
WOW, thank you Carol! I guess I also haven’t been listening to what my body was telling me. Thank you for sharing this, I’m going to change my way and pay attention. Sending you love, light and blessings. 😉
I picked Responsibility this week for my foundation. Thank you so much for sharing these videos & this game. I will definitely be trying it. Can I use something other than money but imagine it’s money? Or could I write things down on bits of paper like go volunteer for a couple hours, clean my bedroom closet, go out in nature, etc… then put that in a bag or wallet lol and pull one out when I blame, shame, or play the victim put it in the bowl then once completed remove from the bowl?
What an interesting take on that, Michelle. I like it. It would impress me much more than forfeiting a dollar! But I might enjoy it too…does that make it unacceptable?! LOL
Oh this is a great idea that you have Michelle, I like that!
Thank you ladies! Keep the conversation and game going we are in awe of the support you continue to bring to our community!
Great idea and it aligns with the purpose of taking your power back!
We look forward to hearing more!
Much love
How powerful and enlightening, I loved the sharing. Thank you all
You’re welcome JoAnn!
Much love
Thank you for this subject. I have had to admit that I have spent my life blaming others and my circumstances for “me not being my true self”. WOW, now that I am taking the responsibility of own my actions, I am allowing myself to uncover the truth of who I am. How freeing this is and now I am truly responsible for myself and to others.
So freeing Lisa P. We love this community so much!!
thank You so much this morning is a amazingly hit everything right on the head stop and start doing something about it thank you and God bless all of us
I don’t have a dollar to put in a jar every day. Bad me.
Hi Wendy, Michelle D (a few comments above yours) have a great idea which doesn’t require money. She suggested writing things to do (volunteer, cleaning the bedroom, going out in nature, etc) and putting those in your wallet to be used instead of money. There’s so many things that can be written. For me, money is not a real deterrent to get my attention, but telling me that I have to do pushups every time that I blame, shame or complain… [roll eyes] now THAT will stop me doing those instantly, to avoid the pushups! 😉 PLEASE try to be kinder to yourself Wendy, it is not YOU that are bad, it is just where you are at this moment in your life, it is just a bend in the road. Only you can change yourself and your life, please stand up for yourself and have your own back. I hope this is helpful to you Wendy! Sending you love, light and hugs. 😉
Hello Trina,
I love the creativity and fun you are adding to the game! Have fun with it and remain in your power.
Your words to Wendy are beautiful and so true!
Absolutely Frina! Thank you and Much love!
Awesome message and tip. I shed a tear and cried internally for all the blaming shaming and complaining I have been doing until now and how so true it is that each time I took power away from me! Thank you very much Merci & Dr. Sue! Be blessed amazing ladies!
When you’re in the habit of noticing the blame, shame and complaining you set yourself free! We’ve certainly been there!
Much Love
Thank you, Dr. Sue and Marci,
It sounds like a great challenge and a game. Every time I think that I don’t fall into those traps, I’m surprised that I do. Looking forward to the challenge.
With loving thoughts.
Right on Eda! Keep us posted as you heard, we all can fall into those traps!
Much Love!
Blame, Shame and complain! I love the jar idea. I am going to implement this with my husband and myself! Thank you for all your positivity and encouragement.
I, too, think that I take responsibility for my reactions to things in my life but was surprised today as I noticed how I was giving away my power to a family member’s mood. Thank you for this reminder to take responsibility for my reactions as well as managing my internal environment. I grow weary sometimes with these mood shifts because they are present in my household and it is something that I am constantly needing to monitor. I take responsibility for my reactions. Thank you, again, for all of your love and support.
You are so welcome Margaret!! It happens to all of us and recognizing when we give our power, away plus taking the responsibility for it allows us to be empowered!
Much Love!
Hallo ik heb een vraag ?Waarom is het zo moeilijk,als ik mijzelf zou kunnen en mogen zijn met mijn gave.als kind al had ik contact met de geesten wereld.
mijn familie weet het maar ik hoef er niet over te praten.Waarom trek ik geen grens nooit geleerd ik moest maar doen wat er opgedragen werd .Daarom kruip ik terug in mijn comfortzone.Daar hoor ik mijn engel tegen mij praten .Ik heb wel verborgen lyme daar willen ze3 mij niet bij helpen.
Krijg af en toe een injectie van mijn engel daarna gaat het weer beter .De artsen hebben niets in het bloed gevonden en dan heb je het ook niet.Ik vecht nu al 10 jaar tegen deze toestand ,zeg ook steeds oke ik ben gezond maar het blijft toch spelen in het lichaam.Heb u raad hoe hier vanaf te komen.
warme groet Truus
Hallo, bedankt voor het delen van je reis met ons! Helaas kunnen wij u geen medisch advies geven. Wat we kunnen zeggen is vertrouw op je intuïtie en zoek een arts.
We wensen je veel liefde en gezondheid!