Today’s Miracle Moment is about how to escape the approval-seeking trap…
We’ve all experienced wanting to be accepted by other people and to get their approval. While this is a normal feeling, trying to get this kind of external validation can leave us feeling disempowered–that’s the price of being caught in the approval-seeking trap!
To free yourself from the approval-seeking trap, start by becoming aware of any of your approval-seeking patterns. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you follow your heart, or do you follow the voices of others instead?
- Are you able to say no and set healthy boundaries in your relationships? Or do you overstep your preferences to please others?
- Do you view rejection as “God’s protection” (i.e., the universe guiding you to something better suited for you)? Or do you take rejection personally?
To escape the approval-seeking trap, we need to build new patterns of self-love and self-celebration.
Maintaining healthy self-esteem requires learning to fill ourselves up from the inside out. We can do this through validating, acknowledging, and loving ourselves completely and unconditionally. Most people don’t do this, and it just needs a little practice.
Here’s an exercise you can do to start building the circuitry of self-validation and celebration:
- When you act or speak in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, stop and acknowledge it.
- Reward yourself with praise and joy.
- You can tap your heart or do a little internal victory dance. The important thing is that you acknowledge yourself.
You can also do this any time you experience a “win” in your life. For example: getting a new job, doing an act of self-care, or working towards a creative goal. Take a moment to celebrate your win!
Self-acknowledgement helps us to shift from looking outside of ourselves for approval to validating ourselves instead.
When we’re celebrating ourselves, we’re supporting our brain chemistry to experience happiness, joy, and fulfillment in life. The more that we build these circuits, the more that we can stay in an ongoing state of self-love. You can start simply by celebrating yourself in small baby steps each day.
“Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment for validation or security or love. You have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” – Eckhart Tolle